It’s not. Let me ask you this…

What is negotiation?

It is two parties sitting down, both wanting different things and eventually coming to an agreement. Note these three words:

Wanting Different Things. That means, you are entering a conflict situation. Think about that. That’s important. It is a conflict situation.

Now… how do the words “be prepared” sound to you? It’s not so pithy anymore, is it? It’s not some beat-up cliché gurus throw around anymore, is it? It is now ten times more important in your head. And all I had to do was say the magic “C” word. Conflict.

Now you’re probably getting images of soldiers, or law courts or football stadiums in your head. And if you were not before, you should now. Good. Now we’re ready to talk about “being prepared”. You may be wondering why I did that. It’s simple. Because in this conflict of negotiations… you have to understand… it is YOU who’s starting the conflict. The seller is asking THIS price and you’re coming back with THAT price.

And before you start the conflict, you need to ASK QUESTIONS. You need to gather as much intelligence as you can. Because once you start the conflict… there is NO going back.

These are the three things you must understand about negotiations.

1. Negotiating is conflict
2. You start the conflict
3. Once you start it, you cannot go back.

So… here are the NINE things you must have — clear in your head — before you walk into a situation like this.

1. Worst Case Scenario
2. Best Case Scenario

You need to know where your limits are. What’s the price you want out of this deal, what’s the lowest price you’ll take before you walk away?

3. Time heals all wounds

If someone walks away, let a few days pass, and get back at the table. If you ever see labour unions negotiating, you’ll see they’re ALWAYS walking away and coming back. It’s just another strategy. That’s it.

4. It’s not personal

Who cares if he yells and screams? Who cares if he swears? As long as you get what you want.

5. Assume they’re acting

I’m not kidding. Because most of the time… they are. They’re putting on a front as much as you are.

6. External Advisors

At the end of the negotiating day, take notes and review them with a mentor. This is invaluable. A pair of fresh eyes will give you strategies and tactics you’ll NEVER think of — because you’re in the thick of it.

7. Prepare yourself in advance
8. Expect them to be unhappy and angry
9. Practice and role-play.

That’s it.

When you enter the conflict zone, and people are screaming, and swearing… you must maintain your composure. If he sees you sweat, if he sees you flinch… it’s all over. Oh… and one last thing. If you’re not in there for at least fifteen minutes… you’re not negotiating.